WHY DO WE HOLD ONTO THINGS THAT AREN'T OURS?
I used to always struggle with the concept of trying to let go of the things that are killing you, when it feels like it would kill you to let go.
I would rack my brain for hours trying to understand how you decide between ‘if things are meant to be, they will be’ and ‘if you want it, you have to go get it.’
Life just is. Things just are.
We hold on tightest to the things that aren’t meant for us because at some level, we know they aren’t really ours. We always want what we can’t have. We’re always seeking the love we know we don’t have. We’re always trying to be in control of things we really have no control over.
We know that when we stop thinking and talking and racking through the details again and again, it will really be over. When all that exists is an idea, holding on is the only way to keep it.
But the realisation I’ve had is that letting go has little to do with giving someone permission to leave our lives, or declare that they don’t love us anymore, or walk away for good and everything to do with accepting that they already have.
Letting go is about letting go of resistance and acknowledging acceptance.
You can’t hold onto things that are not yours. And truthfully, nothing ever really is ours. What I do know is that things that are ours don’t require us to mentally and emotionally latch onto them to remain.
I do know that you cannot prove how much you love by how much you’re pained over loss. That you do not prove your character by how well you can convince other people you’re doing the right thing.
It’s never the love that hurts you, it’s the attachment to the idea of what it’s supposed to be and how long it’s supposed to be it for. It’s the attachment to the image in your head of how it was supposed to look like or the role play you’ve played over and over again about how it was meant to pan out.
We will never be able to find real love unless we learn to detach from what it should be. The same way that we’re never going to find true happiness until we find peace and happiness within ourselves Nothing here lasts, and the idea that it does is an illusion — we eventually lose everything because the one thing that is guaranteed in life is that you die.
So the point isn’t what we lose, but what we had in the first place. We aren’t meant to attain things like bullet points on a resume, we’re supposed to go through them and let them go through us.
The things that are meant for us are the things that force us to stop seeking an external light, but to start becoming it. The things that are meant for us are trying and joyous and beautiful and excruciating. They’re the things we don’t think about.
The things we don’t have to hold on tightly to make happen.