2019 has been a year of trying to discover the person I wanted to be and so far what I’ve come to realise is that you have to learn to be good enough for yourself, not others. And that validation should have less to do with a job title, accomplishment, a relationship or something vain and more to do with who you are and how you treat people. It’s about being confident in that because looks fade and jobs can shift, people can leave and accomplishments are only just that. 

I guess one of the biggest lessons I’ve started to understand is that connection is important because there are going to be a whole lot of people who don’t like you or don’t agree with you and that’s okay because when all is said and done, what you’ll be left with is yourself. And if you don’t like who you are without any of those other things, you’ll be on a path seeking validation from others or in things that aren’t for certain. What you’ll discover though is it’s never going to be enough.

There’s a lot of time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way. There doesn’t need to be this painful and empty hole in your heart, you just need to become a whole being on your own. This means going on adventures, meeting new people, getting lost with friends, exploring your surroundings, pushing yourself further than you could imagine, giving to others and smiling a lot - even if it's for no reason. Stop and take the time to listen and I mean really listen, to the guy sitting next to you on the plane or the person you just met in a random circumstance. Live for yourself and be happy on your own. It isn’t any less beautiful, trust me. 

Truth is self discovery isn’t this comfortable miraculous thing. It can get ugly and confusing more often than not and above all else it’s fucking hard. And the reason why it’s hard is because sometimes it’s difficult to confront ourselves. It’s difficult to be the person who does things differently, who doesn’t just settle. But it’s the greatest gift we could ever give ourselves. 

The process of discovery will push you towards figuring out what your personal version of happiness looks like; and when you start growing on your own terms, when you figure out what actually matters to you, when you carve out your own path, you begin living on your own terms. You become the person you always wanted to be, rather than the person you were always told to be and that, that’s a beautiful thing. 

You're going to hit rock bottom at some point in your life. My advice? Embrace that period. Because rock bottom teaches you lessons mountain tops never will. And when you get honest with yourself and start doing what you love and doing only the things that bring you joy, life literally slows down. You stop wishing for the weekend, you stop looking forward only to special events, you start feeling human again because you’re living in the moment. You begin to move fluidly and steadily with purpose. And this is how perspective is born.

There’s a lesson to be learnt when you’re climbing a mountain. And that is, when it gets hard, keep putting one foot in front of the other because by doing so, you’ll keep moving forward and eventually you’ll get to the top of where you’re meant to be. When you do, be sure to look around at the view because just like the mountain, life is pretty beautiful too. 

You’ll realise this one day. And when you finally do,  you’ll realise that happiness was never about a job or a degree or being in a relationship. It was never about following in the footsteps of your parents or about being like anyone else. No, one day, you’re going to see it, that happiness was about the journey to discovery. About the hope and listening to your heart by following it wherever it chose to go. It was about being kinder to yourself and embracing the person you were becoming. One day you will understand that happiness was always about learning to love yourself because that kind of happiness was never in the hands of other people. It was always about you. And only you. 

WORDS: Monique Medved
INSTAGRAM: @moniquemedved


Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published